This Is How Long New Couples Should Wait Before Going on Vacation Together, According to Therapists

Entering a new relationship is undoubtedly exciting — bring on the butterflies, the honeymoon phase, and the lovey-dovey texts. With the sparks flying high in the first few weeks and months of your courtship, you’ll likely want to spend every waking hour together. In fact, you may even be thinking about embarking on a romantic getaway with your sweetheart. Michelle Herzog, licensed therapist and dating expert, told Travel + Leisure, “Taking a trip together can be a great measure [of] the future health of the couple — how you handle stressful situations, not having full privacy, and how you generally travel [will all be] on display.”  

With all this in mind, you may be wondering when exactly you should take your first couples trip. Ultimately, explains Herzog, this will vary from couple to couple since it depends on your — and your partner’s — comfort levels. That said, in her experience as a couples therapist, “a lot of folks report feeling comfortable and confident in their relationship around the six-month mark.” Similarly, Omar Ruiz, licensed marriage and family therapist, recommends bringing up the prospect of a romantic trip three months into the relationship, which “would give them enough time to plan out their trip by months six to seven.” 

Below, find expert-approved tips for a successful first trip as a couple. 

Communication is key. 

Clear and open communication is key when planning a trip with anyone, including your new partner. You’ll need to discuss all aspects of the vacation planning process, from deciding where to go to finalizing reservations and booking activities. Herzog encourages couples to check in with each other throughout the trip, too. Below are three Herzog-approved prompts to “help get you on a positive path of communication” as you begin planning your romantic getaway. 

• What kind of experience do you want to have together? 
• What are 1-2 things you would like to do on this trip? 
• How much money would you like to budget for this trip? 

Get candid about finances. 

It’s crucial to be upfront with your partner about your financial commitment to this trip. To avoid potential disagreements and points of contention on the trip, sit down with your partner to iron out the fine print and discuss exactly how you will split costs and establish a budget. For example, will you split everything 50-50? Will one of you pay for flights while the other shells out the money for lodging? Will you take turns paying for meals? These are important things to talk about early in the planning process. 

Related: The Best Weekend Getaways for Couples

Be flexible. 

According to Herzog, “Practicing flexibility can make or break your trip experience,” considering how stressful travel can be in a new environment with a new partner. Thus, she recommends being as flexible as possible — both on vacation and in the relationship in general. “This means leaning on compromise, communicating openly, and checking in throughout your trip to ensure you’re both getting what you want” out of the vacation, says Herzog.

Understand each other’s travel style. 

Annalise Oatman, licensed clinical social worker, advises “figur[ing] out in advance if one of you is more of a planner than the other.” It’s also possible that both individuals are planners — or neither. While there is no right or wrong answer, she explains that “understanding each other’s approaches to stretches of ‘free time’ can set you up to approach your vacation time together in a way that supports everyone’s needs and personality style.” For example, if one of you is a planner and the other prefers spontaneity, Oatman recommends having a plan for “there to be some structure to the trip (enough to quell the anxiety of the planner)” along with “some open, flexible time” for the other person. Besides, like relationships, vacations themselves are all about balance. 

Have a plan to manage your own stress and anxiety.  

Oatman tells T+L that it’s a good idea to “have a plan for managing your own stress and anxiety during the trip, should it arise (and it probably will at some point).” Start by considering what stress-relief tactics have worked for you in the past, and think about ways in which you may incorporate them. Per the pro, you may consider yoga, meditation, massages, and time just for yourself. 

Related: 7 Travel Anxiety Tips to Ease Stress, According to a Psychiatrist

And come up with a plan to support your partner, too.

“Sometimes,” says Ruiz, “there are events, situations, or interactions that may occur during a trip that can cause someone to struggle with an immense amount of stress,” such as flight delays and lost luggage, which, unfortunately, are all too common nowadays. With that in mind, Ruiz tells T+L that “It’s best to make sure the couple comes up with a plan on how they can best support their partner in the event things don’t go as planned. This will help lessen the risk that this trip becomes the couple’s last.”

“Remember, this is a big first step for both of you,” says Herzog. “There may be some nervousness going into an adventure like this, so practicing empathy and [checking] in with each other is important.”